Dear Noel,

You advised me recently about how to avoid contacting Chronic Fatigue Syndrome from living with a free-taker. Not only did I get CFS, but another lad in the house, a wing-forward who tracks back, has picked up Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Diverticulosis. He’s some mess.

The free-taker spends every evening practising his style in the sitting room. He’s worse than those golf bores swinging imaginary clubs. After ‘kicking’, he stares into the mid-distance, and then bends over as if to raise the white flag. It’s an appalling scene.

What can we do, Noel? I’ve started popping herbal stuff, and I’m afraid I’ll get Hypervitaminosis. I’m a goalkeeper.

- Tomas (21), UL

Dear Noel,

I’ve moved into a house with three lads. One’s a free-taker.

He never stops talking about trajectory, loft, prevailing winds, climate change, the far post, global warming, polar ice-caps, and allowing for the breeze. At night, he commentates to himself, imitating Darragh Moloney and shouting “he’s got it, round the corner, beautifully-dispatched.”

It’s wearing me down. My question is: is it possible to get Chronic Fatigue Syndrome from over-exposure to a free-taker?

- Tomas (20)