“If you’re good for a laugh, log on to www.knowledgeablenoel.com, home of Knowledgeable Noel, the self-professed Agony Uncle of the GAA. It’s one place where you’ll get straight answers to the crucial questions, like:

Is Marty Morrissey a real person?

What Championship Haircut should I go for a winter championship debut?

How can I get my father to believe that I scored wan-one from play at the weekend when he says I wouldn’t hurl spuds to hens?

Is it possible to get Chronic Fatigue Syndrome from over-exposure to a free-taker?

Or, as asked by a Margo Fan from North Leitrim: ‘How should our club go about finding a suitable replacement for our umpire who died after 45 years service, and who was directly responsible for the club winning two county titles despite never having pulled on a pair of boots?’

And they’re just the serious questions”

 -         Anthony Hennigan’s Off The Ball column, Western People, January 29^th, 2008. Anthony clearly knows a good one when he sees one. I often listened to him when he worked on local radio. And, what a lot of people in the west of Ireland might not know is that Anthony is a top exponent of Irish music. He has long kept an eye on my own career in the GAA and often gave me a good write-up when I resolved delicate problems at club, county, provincial, and national level in the past.

“Noel put me right when I missed that crucial free that cost our club senior status at the end of 2007. Thanks to Noel, I was able to sue the boot manufacturers for supplying faulty boots that caused me to miss my first free in five years. And the club got a few quid out of them too. Noel is a legend. And, thanks to him, I’ve finally decided to take a year out to go travelling, and will be back next year when the lads have brought us back up senior again. You were right Noel – intermediate wasn’t the place for the likes of me.”

- JJ(24)

“If we hadn’t Noel, we’d be lost. We can never thank you enough, Noel, for your scoring goal tip that saw us increase our scoring average by .0002 points last season. Genius. Where can I buy the book?”

- PJ, Club Manager, Co. Limerick.

“Knowledgeable Noel really does have the knowledge. And he’s not afraid to put it out there. A man with a brain that big is a sex symbol, but I know he’d kill me for saying that.”

- Louise, Co. Clare

“My immediate reaction when stumbling on Knowledgeable Noel’s column in the Irish Examiner one Saturday was ‘hallelujah, this is what I’ve always been looking for.’ I’ve haven’t looked back since. I like to think of my time in the GAA before I came across Noel as my Arseboxing Days. Now, arseboxing no more!”

- Marty (or as my friends call me Morty on the Forty), Co. Tyrone