Dear Noel,

I’ve put in some solid performances at centre-back for my school team, and have been called in for minor trials.

What should I wear?

- Adrian (17), address with editor.

Glad that you’re covering all the angles, Adrian. Don’t wear any of the following:

1. The full kit of your county;

2. The full kit of your own club;

3. The full kit of an English soccer club;

4. Any jersey with sawn-off sleeves;

5. Your collar up;

6. Your socks down;

7. Tracksuit legs;

8. The Ireland International Rules jersey;

9. Those yellow gloves with black dots;

10. A headband;

11. Sweatbands;

12. A look of obsequiousness.

Apart from that, the usual rules apply: make your own way there, talk to no-one, pretend you don’t care, only pass the ball when you’re completely bottled up, and even then make sure it’s a watery pass that will put your erstwhile colleague in trouble.

To our knowledge, no "f***ing animals" had their feelings hurt in the preparation of this column. Noel just wants to bring some closure to key matters. Email This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , or go route one on www.knowledgeablenoel.com.

Comments (0)

Subscribe to this comment's feed

Name

Title

Comment

smaller | bigger

Write the displayed characters

Add Comment