Dear Noel,

On our minor team, we’re all getting our numbers shaved into our heads, and we’ve agreed everyone should have an intimidating nickname.

Those of us without a nickname have been given a week to come up with one.

I’d like to go for Killer, but my girlfriend says she will break it off with me if I do. She calls me Fluffy, but no-one knows that.

One of the subs has already taken Viper. I like Pyscho, or Serpent. What about Sledge? I’m strong.

My best mate thinks I should go for The Man A Steel From Knockaneel, because Knockaneel is my home townland.

What do you think, Noel? You always know the lie of the land.

Sean (17), North Cork

 Noel replies – Nicknames are a crucial – and long-neglected – aspect of the game. Why should they be left to chance?

Good nicknames can do wonders for a side, particularly at such a vulnerable age as minor.

A young fellow, say aged 15 or so, who hasn’t yet heard his voice break, and who is tortured about what he should do with the bum-fluff forming above his lip, could be easily put off his game when he hears he’s marking Mack the Knife.

Now, Mack the Knife might only be 15 too. He mightn’t even have the bum fluff yet. But he sounds menacing, and therefore he feels confident that he can beat his man and contribute to the overall team performance. So much of the game is played in your own head. A good set of nicknames can give a team a two-point start.

The Man A Steel From Knockaneel is definitely one to consider. If your team is planning a possession game, with a slow build-up, there should be no problem with it.

However, if you’re going for early, long ball, you might need a shorter handle so that colleagues can call out your name as moves develop. In that case, you could shorten it to Steel.

I wish you the best of luck, and keep up the good work.

Noel’s the everywhere man: This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ; www.knowledgeablenoel.com; Skype (knowledgeable.noel); Facebook (Knowledgeable Noel.) Don’t suffer in silence. Ask Noel.

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