Dear Noel,

I’m a 28 year-old attacking wing back with tanned legs, white socks, long hair, flowing moustache. I travel by motorbike.

Lately, I’ve been waking up at night in a cold sweat, dreaming my man’s cut inside for a crucial goal in the county championship after I’d lost the ball on the seventh solo of an upfield run.

The crowd are roaring at me and my own father is frothing at the mouth, shouting at the manager to 'take that gobshite off quick.’

I'm afraid my confidence will be dented by this recurrent nightmare. Any advice, Noel? My favourite band is The Grateful Dead   

    - John, East Tyrone

 Noel replies – A few things: get rid of the ball on the sixth solo; stop bringing your father to games; leave the club for a while so they will appreciate you more when you come back; threaten to retire young; go a bit odd.

I know a man who did all of the above, and found them to be successful tactics. We need more like you and it’d be terrible if sleep deprivation, nightmares, or a severe curtailment of your obvious creative side were to keep you out of the game.

Maybe have a chat with your fellow countyman Kevin McCabe some time, too.

 
Noel is here to serve the ordinary, decent club person. Email him on This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it if you’re in a tight corner. Log onto www.knowledgeablenoel.com for stuff on all kinds of everything.

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