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Looking for A Solution to My Minor Matters PDF Print E-mail
Written by The Knowledgeable Noel Corporation   
Monday, 28 January 2008

Dear Noel," target="_blank">Active Image

I’m at my wit’s end. I’m useless with girls. I get all shy and embarrassed. My throat dries up. I even develop this nervous twitch at the back of my neck. It’s ruining my life. For the last three years, the only thing I’ve clung onto is the prospect of making the county minor team in 2009. I’m a very good free-taker on the right wing, inside about 40 yards. I know if I make the county minors, I’ll have girls queuing up. I’ve seen this happen so often before. That polo shirt is a total babe magnet. Now I see they are talking about abolishing the minor grade. I’m frightened it might come to pass. Should I contact my Central Council delegate before the Special Congress? Am I mad?

 - Alan (16), East Laois.

Noel replies: You’re mad in an angry sort of way, and rightly so. Only for county minor teams, there would have been no glamour in the country in the 1930s, ‘40s, ‘50s, ‘60s’, ‘70s, ‘80s, and, indeed, ‘90s. I was a free-scoring minor myself for a few years, in every sense of the word, and I’d hate to see the grade abolished it now. Meanwhile, prepare for the worst, Alan. Are you any good at sean-nos singing? Irish dancing? Drag-hunting? Do something, lad, to give you a bit of profile in your community, or you might be 30 before you get to cut inside the full-back line, if you know what I mean. I hope we see you swinging over big ones in Croke Park next summer. And, being from Laois, you’ll get the inevitable trial with the Sydney Swans or Carlton, and from what I hear, a county minor polo shirt can do some damage in the bars around Bondi Beach.  
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