Dear Noel,

I’m in a terrible state.

I really fancy this guy who plays hurling. He captains his school team and stuff.

But I know nothing about hurling. I go to a private school and play hockey.

I’d like to ask this guy to my Debs. My friends think I’m being anarchic to repay my parents for a sheltered upbringing.

But I really fancy him, Noel. I’ve never seen him without that funny helmet thing he wears, but I hear he’s drop-dead gorgeous.

What can I do?

- Natasha (18), Cork city.

 Noel replies – Six quick tips, Natasha:

1. Never wear your sunglasses on your head;

2. Never drape a pink jumper over your shoulders;

3. Never express an opinion before, during, or after a game;

4. Never ask what he’s thinking. A reply of “how I might improve off my weak side” will deflate you;

5. Easy on the ugg boots the day of a match;

6. Don’t annoy him about the environment, the fate of the seals, or the last blue whale in the ocean.

Noel’s the quintessential team player. Access him on This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ; www.knowledgeablenoel.com; Skype (knowledgeable.noel); and Facebook (Knowledgeable Noel.)

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