Dear Noel,

We pride ourselves on being open to innovative approaches. Now, we’re looking into the idea of adding a bit of a slope to our home ground. A ‘level playing pitch’ is precisely what we don’t need.

Is there a precedent for this sort of thing – The Barna Experiment having proven inconclusive?

An important issue to consider is that our county man plays at No. 13 and he has a right foot he wouldn’t use for kicking the cat out at night. Should we try and funnel the pitch in his favour? I hear that’s what has Ronaldo scoring all the goals in Old Trafford, though that might just be pub talk. 

 A lot of lads on the junior team seem to play better towards the river end as well – the water seems to have a fierce calming effect on them.

 Is a side-to-side slope more beneficial than an end-to-end one?  What about the prevailing wind?

- Ciaran, Assistant Club PRO, North Galway.

 Noel replies – I could talk about slopes all day, and, indeed, Nancy and I often do. A few thoughts to get the creative juices flowing (downhill, of course) Ciaran:

1. Create an optical illusion. Use some scrub and vegetation, a diversion near the dressingroom, a moveable goal, and arrange it so that you play with the hill in both halves. Everything is in the mind, anyway, with the modern-day corner-forward.

2. Hold an egm of the club with just one topic: Our Scoring Goal – Fact or Fiction?

3. Instruct all managers in the club to make switches at half-time. Players with short legs are better going uphill, like rabbits and hares.

5. Your county man will probably transfer to a club in Dublin next year anyway.

6. Read my pamphlet: "The Effect Of Climate Change On Pitch Alignment In The GAA." Some good stuff there.

7. Side-to-side slopes are completely out of fashion now. So, yes, go for one.

4. Scour the parish for young boys with one short and one long leg. They could be invaluable on a side-to-side slope.

8. Yes, the sound of liquid flowing has been proven to have a wonderfully calming effect on junior players all over Ireland, and also on Offaly hurlers of the 1980s and 1990s.

Stay on the right path – email This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , or hit him hard on www.knowledgeablenoel.com. Due to overwhelming demand, Noel is now on Skype (knowledgeable.noel) and Facebook (Knowledgeable Noel.) Seriously. He might be a man for the ages, but he’s not rooted in the past.

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