Dear Noel,

Our club allowed sheep to graze on the pitch over the winter. It would keep the grass down, we were told.

However, last week, on the first night back training, the seniors arrived to discover both dressingrooms full of sheep and all that goes with it. They were even slurping water out of the ice-baths the groundsman (who’s on a local scheme) had filled earlier in the day, and I never knew sheep had such a fondness for Jaffa cakes.

The groundsman says he definitely didn’t leave the door open. We had a good year last year and are aiming for bigger things this season. Should we suspect the hand of sabotage?
    
    - Fachtna, East Kerry.

 Noel replies – Suspect everything, Fachtna.
There are people out there so blinded by badness they’d park their car in the mouth of the goal on county final day, and not think they were doing a thing wrong.
In the short-term, get the tetanus injections, and tog out at home. When I was playing, the Treasurer of the club not only had the grazing, he even sheared his sheep in the lean-to we used to tog out in.

Don’t worry about the ice-baths. The manager will forget about them after the first two weeks of the year anyway. It won’t be long before they are put to full-time agricultural use.

Watch the money, though: who owns the sheep? Some low-rent parasite who milks the club for whatever he can get for free, and doesn’t even buy a ticket in your Confined Draw, I’ll bet. Always the same.

What’s atin’ you? Talk to Noel on This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , or go straight for the jugular on www.knowledgeablenoel.com

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