Martin, North-West Donegal - "I think you’ll find the Safe Pass Course you saw advertised won’t have the desired effect, Martin. No shortcuts to a good passing technique – the handball alley remains your best bet. No harm to wear the hard hat though."

Niall, South Dublin exile in South Mayo – "If Laxative Tea brings the benefits you say, fair play. Players are always looking for an edge. Keep me posted on how the business works for you, and thanks for your offer of a free box, but I’ll pass this time, so to speak."

Gerry from Cooley – "I’ve put the word out, Gerry, but I can’t find anyone who drives from the Carlingford Peninsula to Casla, Co. na Gaillimhe, every Sunday evening. Anyone out there able to help a man who wants to give himself every chance of making his club junior team in 2008? He’ll share the petrol costs and says he’s a good conversationalist, and might even break into a verse of I Can’t Get Over You Till You Get Out From Under Him to break the journey in the lowlands around Athlone."or

Mairtin Jaic, address with editor – "Sorry to hear Chloe left you after last week’s advice. Girlfriends will come and go, Mairtin Jaic, but a place on the county panel – now that’s something special. Ridiculous name anyway, Chloe."