Mairtin Jaic, address with editor – "Sorry to hear Chloe left you after last week’s advice. Girlfriends will come and go, Mairtin Jaic, but a place on the county panel – now that’s something special. Ridiculous name anyway, Chloe."

Gearoid, Beara Peninsula, Co. Cork – "I did indeed play in the Comortas Peil. If you haven’t the Gaeilge, say nothing, except maybe lambast yourself if you kick a wide. ‘An iomarca portach, a Ghearoid’ you should roar at yourself. That’ll get you through."

Eileen, East Louth – "No, wrong man, Eileen. I was nowhere near the Dundrum Shopping Centre, wherever that is, last Saturday. I was refereeing an U10 match. That other fellow must get some shock when you asked him to autograph you in that particular spot."

Got no-one to turn to? Knock on Noel’s door. Email This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , or log onto www.knowledgeablenoel.com. Noel knows, because Noel’s been there.

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