James, East Mayo – “Can’t say I heard of this particular problem before, James, but if you think the bright, camp colours of the sideline flags are distracting you as you make what you call ‘one of my trademark solo-runs up the wing’, then I’d suggest you bring the matter up with the club executive. I agree, tell them to keep their heart rate monitors, SAQ training, deep tanks, and all that nonsense – this is a fundamental issue for you as a player, and, ergo, for the club. And if they won’t listen to an U11 player like yourself, they might as well forget about it. Young people are the future.”

Louis, Longford – “If I had a cent for every man who’s told me over the years that John Egan was the best, and the most under-rated, player on the great Kerry team, I could retire from writing this column. For what’s it worth, though, I totally agree with you. Great forward, John Egan, totally under-rated. Never got the credit he deserved.”

Arthur, North Cork – “I’m afraid I can’t say a word about my role in the Cork strike talks. Bound to secrecy. One day I might tell all, Arthur, one day. But not today. I’m sure you can understand.”

What’s atin’ you? Talk to Noel on This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , or go straight for the jugular on www.knowledgeablenoel.com

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