Dear Noel: If you were the umpire in Cusack Park on Wednesday night, would you have had the cojones to pull the goalie back?

Noel replies: Have you any idea where you’re talking? Wednesday night barely counts. When you’ve sent off your own brother in a county final replay, for dissent, come back to me about cojones. For the record, if I were umpire Wednesday night, things would never have got that far.

Dear Noel: Were you ever a player-manager?

Noel replies: Surely you mean, ‘were you ever not a player-manager?’

Dear Noel: Would Nancy and yourself be the special guests at our club’s midsummer barbeque? We’d cover your costs and all.

Noel replies: You had some chance until the second sentence.

Dear Noel: Did you ever wear a tie doing umpire?

Noel replies: Always. And while refereeing, too. You’ve got to command respect.

Dear Noel: I got a rotten dose of Hypersomnia watching the Ulster final replay? Do you know a good therapist?

Noel replies: I do. I rang her just now. She’s up the walls busy, but says she can see you around half-seven next Thursday morning. That okay with you?

Dear Noel: I think Monaghan will beat Kerry on Sunday. What do you think?

Noel replies: I think the whole world is gone crazy. And you with it.

Noel never waits down for the breaks. Email him on This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ; visit www.knowledgeablenoel.com; Skype (knowledgeable.noel); and Facebook (Knowledgeable Noel.)

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