Dear Noel,

Our club is in crisis. The team manager walked out last week when four players said they couldn’t make it to training because there were cattle on the road. They all live within three miles of the pitch. Yet, two other fellows came from Dublin and managed to get there on time.
Morale is at an all-time low. We haven’t won a game all season. The two lads who came from Dublin have said they are going to transfer next year. I’m chairman, and I need to show leadership here.

Can you tell me if it’s possible to get satellite images that would prove, for once and for all, if there were cattle on the road that evening?

     - Seamus, North Tipp.

 Noel replies – You’re doing the right thing there, Seamus, by seeking a definitive answer to the matter. If you don’t go tackle this matter head-on, it will become an article of faith locally that there WEREN’T cattle on the road that evening.
Those four players will be vilified in the community, and a schism could develop from which the club might never recover.
By nailing down the facts of the matter, you can bring together all parties, show them the satellite images, and, move on from there. Someone will have to pull in their horns.

I would also publish a Club Charter with valid excuses: cattle on the road, bringing your mother to the hairdresser, a system crash at work, and unexpected outbursts of certain ailments including schistosomiasis, SARS, and morbid obesity.
Anyway, to answer you question: no, you can’t get satellite images like that.

There’s no arseboxing with Noel. Contact him on This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ; www.knowledgeablenoel.com; Skype (knowledgeable.noel); and Facebook (Knowledgeable Noel.) 

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